Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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