so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
