How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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