yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
