Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
