He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
