She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
