47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
