it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
