I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
