If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
