I wish I could punch you in the face.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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