I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
