What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it hurts more in the daytime
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
