matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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