I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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