I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
