did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
