I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
