The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
