in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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