I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
