I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
