I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
