Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
