I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
