so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
