all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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