Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
