So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
