Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
