THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
