I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
