As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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