at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
