I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
