really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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