There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
