4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
