First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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