Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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