I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This toilet bowl is my home.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
