we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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