I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
