so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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