69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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