Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
