I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
