Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
