I skipped work to stalk him.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This house was built for laser tag.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
