xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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