69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
