Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
