Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
