how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I understand Curling. That high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
