his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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